Life in the Sandbox

Today I met with a group of ladies in the park. We meet there because there is no where else that is culturally appropriate to meet*. We had a nice chat despite being obviously stared at by groups of cruising adolescent to adult men. On our way out of the park, a group of teenage boys started jeering, specifically at me. They were trying to figure out why as a woman I would have come to this park; Things like "oohh, she wants to marry me!" I sort of lost it. I swung around, affected an immature posture, shouted "I'm married!" in Azeri, and gave them the ring finger (to show the ring, of course).
The women immediately responded to me-"Don't respond!" "Ignore them!" "Don't let it bother you!" And I angrily retorted--"They get to yell at me! Why am I not allowed to yell at them?!"

And I've been thinking about it a lot. Usually I don't respond. Usually nobody says anything to me, or if they do I give such a condescending, withering look that they run away.

The traditional advice for dealing with bullies is exactly what the ladies said-Ignore them and they'll get bored and go away.
But this is pervasive. This is a gender issue. And I have a right to raise my voice in disagreement. My friend said something along the lines of, doesn't this happen to you in America? To which I gave a emphatic "No!"

And I probably said something because at this point I feel attached to what happens here. Before becoming a PCV I read posts like this and thought "well, you are just not integrating enough." Not everyone here believes that men are superior to women or that young men have the right to be rude to women. I know Azeri women who have big dreams and believe in equality, who work for equality in the workplace and in society. I have male friends and coworkers here who are fantastic. They are intelligent, educated, and polite. And the boys in the park make this culture look bad. Specifically they are the kind of men that make people I know say things like "I hate this country!" and "I hate Azeri men!". And that should be stopped. But does my saying anything make it better? It won't as long as the mothers and grandmothers say to each other-"What did she expect? What was she doing in the park?" This isn't just a men's issue.

And again, they're just teenage boys with nothing better to do. They exist in every society. And I'm a grown-up, educated woman. So why am I letting this get to me?
What do you do when you feel like you are living in a giant middle school? What would you do?

~Emma


*I know that there is some misunderstanding about where women are and are not "allowed" to go in Azerbaijan on the part of people in the US. There is nowhere (to my knowledge) that women are "not allowed" to go, no one will stop you from entering a teahouse or internet club; they'll just judge you like crazy. But some places are more appropriate than others. This incident took place in our Heydar Aliev Park, which is about as universally public place as I think one could imagine-with fountains and families galore.