Who Says You Can't Go Home?

NPR this week reports that the economic crisis in America has led to many people moving back in or consolidating living spaces with their extended families in order to cope financially. I found the article interesting because of it's overall assertion that moving in with families is very difficult and uncomfortable for Americans. "It was embarrassing" one couple asserts.

I live in a country where living with your extended family is more than normal, it is the only way to go. My best friend's family includes her siblings, mother, father, aunt and grandmother as well as college student boarders. At no point have I ever felt like it was crowded or uncomfortable. Everyone continues to live their own lives, on their own schedules. It's not like you have 8 people sitting in the same room all the time (which is why I would not compare it to a holiday dinner, as the article does). We're not even talking about that big though, the article cites for example a single mother with one child moving in with her own mother. Yup, an overwhelming family of three.

The great financial success of America has created a system where even the very young can have their very own house, their very own car. We can make any decision we want without consulting a single other soul if we so choose. Between our cars and facebook and teleconferencing we hardly have to physically interact with anyone at all. It is the ultimate in freedom. But at what price? Americans are very socially evolved when it comes to work, school and friendship situations. About this I have no doubt. But have we gained the ability to "play well with others" at the expense of being able to enjoy our own families? I would like to meet someone who could argue that over the last few decades of increasing separation that the American family unit has grown stronger and more appreciative of each other. The comment about moving in with family being embarrassing also said something to me about our culture. We are independent. But so independent as to be embarrassed about a living situation that is considered healthy in many many countries on earth? Would we really rather be poor and alone than middle class and together?

Of course living with family has its drawbacks. Opinionated mothers or mothers-in-law for example. Or a grandma that hogs the remote. Hierarchy develops between the generations that we've thrown off long ago. Why should someone with decades more life experience (or outdated views) give me their opinion on how to live? I've learned that living with someone else demands a degree of personal sacrifice, of compromise and forgiveness. Boundaries must be drawn and agreed upon. However I also feel that if I can learn to consider others more, to be more forgiving and laid back, I might be a less selfish and maybe even a happier person. In the cleverly titled Truman biography, Truman, I read that the president was forever sending letters to or asking advice of his mother and sister and cousins. No matter how far he went or what he accomplished, he always returned home. There is something awfully appealing about strong family ties like that.

I might just feel this way because I am literally in the home stretch. Stretching for home, preparing to move back. Ask me again in two months and see if my opinion changes!